The truth comes crashing in uninvited and puts it's muddy boots up on the kitchen table to stare you in the face one day and you are forced to realize - that's me, none other. I'm the only one getting in my own way, every day. I so desperately want to stop myself from being happy and achieving my dreams and goals. Why? What set me on the course to be so hell bent on my own downfall and stasis. How did I convince myself I actually am the one sad cis white boy with nothing of value to say to anyone?
I would laugh in earnest when I saw memes about the desire to obtain the confidence of a mediocre cis white male as though being magically imbued with some ability by my status and presentation wasn't a hard truth I had to face. But the stark reality is I do have an advantage in life - or I did if I haven't totally squandered it by now. But now I take on this phrase as a personal mantra. I will reclaim the sense of confidence and self assurance that is granted to me by my station. I will become confident as a mediocre white man in my own abilities and from there I will become more. I do have a voice and a platform and I can utilize it.
Today is a unique day in my life because instead of waking up and feeling like the first thing I want to do is get high and just forget - and by get high I mean smoke weed, lets not romanticize it into anything more than it is - being a lazy stoner just doesn't appeal to me in the same way anymore. Video games don't pull me in and leave me inside of them for days on end in desperate personal abandon. I think for the first time in my life I am acutely aware that I could become something greater than I have been and it is terrifying. It's also extremely likely that I will toil in absolute mediocre foolishness and never bring my little desire to write beyond the level of a stupid hobby... but even then I will be miles beyond the place I am now. I would rather be a nothing that created something self indulgent, awful and unreadable than a stoned loser who dies having left no part of himself in the world save the assorted junk he has collected over the years.
Terrifyingly, I think I want to be a father. Not only to a human being but to an endless flow of new ideas and concepts. This is the first time I have truly felt this desire in my life. Before, when I wanted to create, it was always for some selfish reason, hoping for popularity or mass acceptance. I have finally broken through to a world in which I want to create just for the sake of creating. I want to play just to play and see the beautiful and horrible results intermingle and possibly form something new.
Today, February 11th, I wrote because I had to. Let every day that follows be more of the same. Moderation, discipline, break down the goals into small pieces. Let's find the reason that we are here and breathing every day. Let's get out of our own way and truly grow a little bit.
I would laugh in earnest when I saw memes about the desire to obtain the confidence of a mediocre cis white male as though being magically imbued with some ability by my status and presentation wasn't a hard truth I had to face. But the stark reality is I do have an advantage in life - or I did if I haven't totally squandered it by now. But now I take on this phrase as a personal mantra. I will reclaim the sense of confidence and self assurance that is granted to me by my station. I will become confident as a mediocre white man in my own abilities and from there I will become more. I do have a voice and a platform and I can utilize it.
Today is a unique day in my life because instead of waking up and feeling like the first thing I want to do is get high and just forget - and by get high I mean smoke weed, lets not romanticize it into anything more than it is - being a lazy stoner just doesn't appeal to me in the same way anymore. Video games don't pull me in and leave me inside of them for days on end in desperate personal abandon. I think for the first time in my life I am acutely aware that I could become something greater than I have been and it is terrifying. It's also extremely likely that I will toil in absolute mediocre foolishness and never bring my little desire to write beyond the level of a stupid hobby... but even then I will be miles beyond the place I am now. I would rather be a nothing that created something self indulgent, awful and unreadable than a stoned loser who dies having left no part of himself in the world save the assorted junk he has collected over the years.
Terrifyingly, I think I want to be a father. Not only to a human being but to an endless flow of new ideas and concepts. This is the first time I have truly felt this desire in my life. Before, when I wanted to create, it was always for some selfish reason, hoping for popularity or mass acceptance. I have finally broken through to a world in which I want to create just for the sake of creating. I want to play just to play and see the beautiful and horrible results intermingle and possibly form something new.
Today, February 11th, I wrote because I had to. Let every day that follows be more of the same. Moderation, discipline, break down the goals into small pieces. Let's find the reason that we are here and breathing every day. Let's get out of our own way and truly grow a little bit.
Repeat 우리카지노 this until you win, then return to your unique stake
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